FINISHED!!!!

Finally! Done with finals. Done with school for this year. Next class isn't until the end of September. That doesn't mean I'm done learning, of course. I'll still take vocal lessons over the summer from one of my professors. My conducting prof has offered to come watch me work and help me grow. But as far as having to attend an actual class - TA-DA!!!! No more! I can take a breath and relax now. I've got so much to do around the house this summer. New floors to put in the living areas, we're painting the outside of the house, a deck to build, perhaps. So much to do, and the summer will fly by. But that's the way it's supposed to be, I think. I'm looking forward to the challenge. So, as I head off into quasi-relaxation time, I'll leave you with a video of my conducting final. If you watch it, be sure to watch both attempts. The first was w/ piano, and the second was acapella. Both were different. And I think you'll love the song. Healey Willan, the guy who wrote it, took the text from the sexiest book in the Bible - Song of Songs. (And, yes, there is a sexy book in the Bible. You need to check it out. I'm pretty sure your library has one. So does your local hotel. Thank the Gideons.) The composer, Willan, was known to have the most awesome quotation about himself. Regarding his ancestry, he'd say, "I'm British by birth, Canadian by choice, Irish by descent, and Scotch by consumption". I want a quote that cool attributed to me one day. Known as the "Dean of Canadian Composers", this man was brilliant. He wrote over 800 works, including operas and symphonies. This piece is one of his best. Not very long, it is amazingly complex. I hope you enjoy it. We didn't have the biggest or best group singing it, but we had heart, and in the end, that's all that matters. Well, that and vocal diction, inflection, pitch, intonation, tambre, resonance...yeah. Ok. Heart is on the list somewhere. Enjoy!

Humbled...

I've lost my voice. Again. This is the third time this year. And it's because of allergies. I had allergies that caused a sinus infection, which caused bronchitis. And the acute laryngitis that comes with it. Which means I don't even have enough air to talk right now. Seriously. All that comes out is a high pitched whine. When I sneeze, it is very funny to listen to. Think of a red stir straw as my windpipe, when it should be a garden hose. Now try to force the same amount of air out. All I have is a whisper. What's hilarious about all this are the reactions I get from people when I use rudimentary sign language to explain that I can't speak, so I must point or sign to use their services. I discovered the need for this on Monday, taking my girls out to get McDonald's drive thru breakfast. Turns out, they don't hear whispers so well on the drive thru speaker. Good thing Gracie was able to translate for me. But when I go into a place and whisper that I've lost my voice, people treat me like I am severely disabled, or mentally challenged. They either start whispering at me, or talk very slowly, as if my ears have been turned off. Oh well. Such is my lot in life right now. There are people who can't talk at all. Ever. And this is what humbles me. I've been blessed with a nice voice, a voice that seems to bring joy to people who listen to it. Now it is gone for a time. Probably not a long time, but when you make your living with it, any time is a long time. I am finding that a lot of me is wrapped up in my voice. And I'm trying to fix that. God could take it away at any time. While that would stink, it wouldn't change who I am as a person. I'm finding that it seems weird to communicate with alternative means, but it's a fun challenge. The hard part is finding a way to do it that keeps up with my thought process! Until then, I'm hobbled and humbled. Hopefully it will come back soon. But even if it doesn't, I'm ready to be me. I hope. Now if only I can find a way to convince others. Cheers!

Finals

I have three finals today. I'm actually a little nervous about this, as I'm not sure my aged brain can spout back the information needed, or switch gears that quickly. Oh well. The old college try, right? (where did that saying originate? I'll find out for you today). Gotta get ready. Talk to you after.

Backup QB

It's strange to have a NFL work stoppage. The last one happened in the mid-80's, and I neither understood nor cared enough about those things then. During a normal offseason, the QB of your favorite team is AMAZING. He's the guy that'll lead your team to the promised land, the guy who will shatter all passing records, hit every accuracy mark, and woo all the ladies with his chiseled jaw, wavy hair, and powerful biceps. Something happens, though, during the regular season. Suddenly, your golden-haired heir is a bum, a scumbag, a second-rate clown, a piece of meat to be fed to the dogs. All of a sudden, the backup QB is the most popular guy in the media, the most talked about player on sports talk radio. It doesn't matter if he's never played a single down of regular season ball. But he threw three TD's in that final preseason game! Yeah. Preseason. Somehow he's the savior of the team? Seriously? He's going to turn that 1-7 season into a playoff berth? Really? Um...no.

But what is it about us that makes us so quick to want to touch the grass on the other side of the street? Heck, we don't just want to touch it, we want to lay down in it, and make snow (grass) angels in it while letting its wavy blades caress our bare skin. We want to revel in it. We get completely sold out for the grass on the other side. We can't really see it. I mean, it's a long way away. That street is REALLLLLYYYY wide. And crossing it is a very dangerous action. There's lots of traffic, and you might just get creamed by a Mack truck along the way. But you want it, right? It certainly looks better than what you have right now. You know exactly what you have, right? Faults and all. Your QB (or whatever) is not as green as he used to be. And he's pretty routine. You know what you're getting, and you know what you're not getting. And it's good, but it's not perfect. Hmm.

Obviously, I'm not just talking about football. This happens in every part of our lives. We always want what we don't have. Money, cars, homes, spouses, jobs, etc. Something else MUST be better, because what I have isn't perfect. It doesn't matter that what I have is pretty good. Or that it's actually really good. I just know in my heart that the object of my desire has to be better. Because, while I'm happy, I'm not overjoyed each and every moment. I'm not jumping up and down with a mountaintop experience each time I experience whatever it is I have now.

Why do we do this? In America, I think this stems from the idea of Republicanism. I'm not talking about the Republican Party. Nay, this is an idea. This is an ethos. We are bred here to believe that we are the masters of our own universe. The kings and queens of the castle. The world is our oyster. Simply put, that we are destined for greatness. Our country was founded on this principle. The sky was the limit for the founding fathers. This thought that "all men were created equal" flew in the face of the current world caste system that existed at the time. Think about it. No one had gone against these ideas before. Prior to the foundation of our great nation, the world had been ruled by rulers. Even in "democratic" Rome, there was still a ruling hierarchy. Look at American Idol. Millions of people all over the country show up to sing, each of them thinking they have a shot at being the next "Big Star". Reality? Most of them will never, ever have a shot at greatness in that field. 24 people out of the millions make it to the final round. Of that round, only 2 or 3 have a professional music career longer than 1 or 2 years. Less than 40 people in the last decade are still household names. Yet we believe that we are all able to be that, simply because we are born into a system that tells us we can. We want what we can't have, and society lets us think it's okay. I had a voice student once who auditioned for American Idol 5 years in a row, never getting beyond the judges. Yet she believed that she was going to be the next superstar, if only someone noticed. The grass is greener on the superstar side. What she failed to see was that she had it pretty good where she was. She was ready to be a local musician, ready to start gigging, and working her way up the ladder, and doing it the way countless musicians have done before. Instead, she wanted what she can't really have, and what she didn't understand. She didn't realize that American Idol is a fool's game. You are owned by the record label, and have no artistic control over anything you do. If you work your way up the way everyone else has, for years and years, then you retain control over your art. Hmm. She doesn't realize yet that the grass isn't really greener. We want what we can't, or shoudn't have.

So, what's the deal? I'd love to come back to this. Let's talk some more about this soon. Until then, I've got a Backup QB to start pulling for. I think I'm gonna get a head start this year.

Update

Didn't get as far into the garage as I had wanted. It's a jungle in there. The tree lives to fight me another day.

Memorial Day

Ah, Memorial Day. A somber day to remember our fallen heroes, respect our servicemen and women, and to finish up a bunch of our honey-do lists. I'm excited because I have the opportunity to clean my garage today. Sounds like fun, right? I mean, who wouldn't want to bury themselves in a winter's worth of clutter and junk, just so they could get to the workout equipment left buried underneath a fake Christmas tree? Yes, I admit it. My Christmas tree is in pieces in my garage, rather than in its box in the shed. I never actually put it away. Sure, we took the ornaments off, but didn't have the time to put it away. As I recall, it was raining. Or I was tired. Or I was busy. Something like that. So - now you know my dark secret. I will be rectifying this today, but I've let it go on for too long. Although, look at the bright side! Today, I will remember fallen heroes, and ALSO get to celebrate Christmas all over again!

Grief

Wanted to write about this yesterday, but was so very tired when I got home from rehearsal that I simply did homework and went to bed. Jen's been out of town at Outdoor School with her 6th graders, so my mom watched the girls last night. They were asleep when I got home, and they're asleep still this morning. They need it.

I had an interesting conversation with a good friend yesterday on the nature of grief. It got me thinking. We talk about grief being this "thing" that we all must go through. Oddly, there is no real definition for grief. I mean, sure, you can define it, but your definition of it could be completely off when compared to someone else's. Even spouses of 40+ years differ in how they define and experience grief. Certainly, there are some aspects of grief that we all share, but the reality is that not everyone hits the same stages of grief at the same time, and some will completely skip certain stages altogether. Grief, in any form, can become debilitating. It can paralyze a person, and through them into a deep, dark depression. It can take a "with it" man or woman, and turn them into a recluse. It causes familes to break up, and relationships to be torn apart. Take heart, though.

There is hope.

You see, Jesus promises the end of grief. I know, you probably didn't come here to be lectured. I'll try not to. I simply want to offer hope. Jesus will restore mankind and the world to what He and the Father had intended all along. Pain, suffering, grief - all washed away. They won't even be a memory. Living for today, while in the midst of grief, means we must live for tomorrow RIGHT NOW. As followers of Christ, we must constantly have an eye to the future, to the return of Christ, so that our pain is placed in the prizm of God's promises. Only there will we be able to find peace. The grief we feel when losing a loved one can be overshadowed by the immense love our Creator poured out for us through His son, Jesus. Focus on His love for us and find peace.

More to come. Thanks for being there, reader.

It's been a long time

Wow. I've completely abandoned this blog. NO LONGER!!!!! I'M BACK, BABY!!!! Seriously. I've been swamped during this season in my life, and I need a place to vent, to explore, to scream, to whisper, to sing, to stay silent. This blog is it. I've gotta say, there's something almost religious about putting thoughts down on paper (internet/blog/web/ether). It's as if I'm having a moment where you, the reader, get to see deep inside my soul, and peer into the dark corners. Assuming I let you in that far, of course. It's sort of humbling, in its own way. You see, even though I have complete control over what is said in this blog, once I've said it, it's there forever, in some form or another. I can't take it back. Sure, I can delete the post. But who's to say a reader didn't just copy it and repost it? It's out there, man. The whole world can see it. There's a kind of thrill in that, you know? In knowing that anything you say, anything you do can be used against you - not in a court of law (although that's possible, too), but in the court of public opinion. That what you say and do can be used to influence others, even without your knowledge. In the words of the great poet Tommy Chong, "That's deeeeep, man".

So, this brings me back to you, dear reader. Here we are. Just you, me, and the rest of the world. I'm going to let you peek inside my soul. I'll open the door. Wait - just a crack. Don't get greedy. I promise to let you in, a bit at a time. You have a job to do, though. Your job is to be faithful. If you enjoy this time with me (you voyeur!), then stick with me. Check back regularly. And tell your friends. I'd love to have this thing grow.

Okay. Enough for now. It's 10pm, and I've got homework and dishes to do. More tomorrow. See you soon!

HELP!

Ok, so I've entered this contest. It's a singing contest, and I'm trying to win the Portland area competition. Please vote for me at

http://krsk.singlikejohnmayer.com/entries/56908

Keep voting! I really need your help! Local winner gets tickets to see John Mayer, and an autographed guitar. That's a date! :-)

Vote often, as they let you vote about 100 times a day. Thanks, everyone.

I sometimes stop to give thanks for some of the people God has put in my life. Today, I was praying for an old friend, who was my 1st mentor in ministry. I'm not sure if he realizes what an impact he made in my life, but I rank him in the top 3 people who helped form my character. Even though I was an adult when we met, his guidance helped me become a man. Some of the things David taught me -

Wait on God. See, David was a Jew who came to know Christ, and was a New Yorker. He had a typical New York Jewish accent. I can still see him, sitting at his desk, saying, "Eric, (although he knew me by my stage name, Christian - it's a long story), God values the process. Wait on Him". I'd probably hear this at least 4 times a week. At least. I tend to be a bit headstrong, and an idea person. We creative thinkers usually are. He was the man that God put into my life to help mentor me in this area, above all. Wait on God. God values the process. In other words, Eric, stop rushing it. Let God do it. Not you. He wants to do it for you, and wants you to go through all the steps according to His plan. Let Him lead.

Compassion. David oozed compassion from his pores. Nothing was beneath him. He taught me how to minister in a homeless shelter without being condecending. Or in a wealthy person's home. It didn't matter to him, because they all mattered to God. He would look at me (cue NY Jewish accent here) and say, "Eric, God loves them where they are at. Shouldn't you?" He was especially skilled in hospitals. I remember him leading someone to the Lord who had come in to see her sister. His compassion for her circumstances and situation made what he had to say very real to this woman. She had been toying with the idea of God, and he made it plain to her. He could do this to a grocery clerk, or to a businessman. It didn't matter. His ability to get to the heart of the person through compassion was a true gift from God. I can only pray I have half as much compassion for God's people.

Love the church where it's at, not where you want it to be. This was a tough one for me. Our church was a small one, and we had quite a few elderly people in it. I was a 23 year old kid, still involved in a theater career, just venturing into ministry, and didn't relate to some of them right away. I knew that God had led Jen and I to this church, but thought it was my job to change it. Boy, was I wrong. He taught me how to love them for who they were, not who I wanted them to be. That church changed and grew in the 3 years we were there, but not because of me. That was God's job. My job was to be obedient and love them where they were. David was very good at that. Even when the church wasn't being obedient, he still loved them.

I learned from him that most of what we fight about as a church doesn't really matter, anyway. God doesn't care what kind of song we sing, as long as we have thankful hearts while singing it (See Colossians 3:15-17). God could care less about what color the carpet is, or whether we use pews or chairs. Are we obedient, though? Are we offering up our lives as a living sacrifice to God? That's the important thing.

Finally, I learned how to be a good husband. David and Alice have an amazing relationship, and one that people wanted to model. He put her needs first, always, and made sure that she felt loved. Jen and I were in a marriage group with them as leaders, while we were engaged to be married, and learned how to communicate. Most couples don't learn that for a while. Jen and I got a head start because of them. What a joy!

I don't know why I felt the need to share this with you all, but I felt that it was important, somehow. A bit of a postscript - David now has a ministry with special needs adults, and remains faithful to God. Jen and I see them when we get back to NY, and never pass up an opportunity to pray with them. We miss them dearly, but know that when we all get to heaven, they'll be right down the street. :-)

It's been awhile...

Well, hello! Sorry that I haven't posted since Easter, Faithful Followers. Honestly, I've been dealing with a lot, and not quite sure what I wanted to share with you. So, now I have clarity in my mind about what I should share with you. And it is......

wait for it....

keep waiting....

okay, I got nothing. Really. I suppose I can talk about the band for a minute. For this summer, we have a number of dates lined up to play, but are looking for much more. We want to play anywhere we are able to, and are actively looking for new venues. If you know of anywhere that would let us play, please tell me. Our drummer, Lea, will be returning on May 11th, and we'll get into the studio right after that to lay down about 5 tracks. Then it's time to kick off the summer! We really want to make this summer memorable, so we'll be rehearsed up, and ready to rock.

New video is posted on youtube of our last concert, so check that out under the "stearnse1" channel. Here's a taste:



Enjoy!

Passion...

Passion week is here! Wait. Already? It sure feels like this year is just flying by! Either that, or I'm getting old(er). Probably a bit of both, really. Oh well. My wife comments frequently about the amount of grey in my hair. I just smile, and comment on how great her (new) hair color looks. :-)

Easter is such an amazing time in the life of a Christ-follower. This is the time of year that helps everything else make sense. How can you understand Christmas without Easter? How can you know God without Easter? How can you fathom why the death of Christ was necessary without Easter? None of those things make sense, unless put into the big picture of God's redemptive plan. Jesus had to be born a lowly birth, be raised a sinless man, suffer a horrible death, and rise after 3 days in order to fulfill God's relational plan for us. Without His death and subsequent resurrection, we would have no way to God. We would be lost in our sin. The Bible tells us that "all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God". If that's the case, then God must have some sort of plan for our redemption. I mean, why create us, only to have us perish? His plan included Jesus, God's only son, that He would become the spotless lamb of sacrifice, that His blood would pay the price for our sin. Death had to happen, so victory could occur. What a joy we can know, because God cared enough to provide that way for us to have a relationship with Him! Without Easter, none of this happens. Praise God!

One of the things that can be frustrating for the Christian during this time, is the merchandising and secularism of society in regard to Easter. I would encourage you to pay it no mind. This isn't to say you should run out, get a bunny costume, and show up to your sunrise service this way. Hardly. Still, remember that the world doesn't know Jesus in the way that you do, and they can't be asked to have a mind for the things of God until they come to know Jesus as savior. So, asking them to do "church" things on Easter is like asking a civilian to field strip and clean an M-16. They wouldn't have a clue! Nor would they care to learn about it, as it isn't something they think they need in their daily lives. The world needs to become convinced of their need first. For a Christ-follower, this means living our lives in a way that sets us apart. Then, as our relationships blossom with non-Christians, they will see God in our lives, and want it, too. Expecting them to want to come to church and take communion might be a bit much for the first "date". Talking about how God prepared you for your job might be just right.

Gotta run to a staff meeting. Love you all! Be the church!

some photos from the concert...

All these photos were taken by Danielle Martin, our photographer. Thanks, Dani! Video is coming soon!

whew!

Had a bit of a scare last week. Wait. I guess I should apologize for not having blogged for the last two weeks. With all the preparations for Easter, I haven't had much time for blogging. Then, last week, I had a possible cancer scare. See, my father has had melanoma about 7 or 8 times, so I always check my skin for changing moles. I found one that really started to scare me. It was changing shape around the edges, and changing color in the middle. I quickly made an appointment with my doctor, and she agreed to see me right away. After seeing it, she hustled me to a procedure room and took the mole off for a biopsy. A few stiches later, I was sent home to wait out the results.

Talk about trust! I mean, having no control whatsoever over the results is a truly humbling position. The only way to stay sane during a time like that is to trust God and His perfect will. As hard as it can be to wait for results, I know that I'm right where God wants me for today. There's real peace and joy in that, you know?

Anyway, the results came back negative, and I'm in the clear. Praise God! I know that God is good, all the time, and I'm thankful for His provision in this. For those of you who knew what was going on, thank you for your prayers and well-wishes. Your prayers mean so much to Jen and I. Thank you.

Infusion tonight...

Tonight is another great installment of that wonderful time we call...Infusion!!!! I'm excited about worshipping with the other guys in the band, and leading others to the foot of the cross through song. We've got a half hour of worship planned, and then we'll be off to let Pastor John (PJ) teach about Godly relationships. I love working with the people that volunteer on Wednesdays. Their hearts are truly turned toward God, and they give of their time sacrificially. I'm so proud to serve alongside them in the trenches. *getting teary-eyed*...:-)

Ok, I'm better now. I'm off to finish planning things for tonight. If you're in the greater PDX area, and want to drop in, it's at 6:34 tonight! Drop me an email and I'll give you directions!

Blessings!

Success!

The concert was a great success! I am so pleased to say that we raised almost $5000! With that money, Medical Teams International can purchase almost $200,000 worth of medicine! All of that goes right to Haiti, and the people there will be blessed. What a joy it was to partner with MTI and Deophobic. We look forward to more fundraising in the near future. MTI is currently serving in over 70 countries, so the need is real. Be praying!

Countdown to awesomeness....

The countdown has started...

58 hours until "The Most Awesome Concert The World Has Ever Seen"....

hehe

I'm so excited about this concert! We're planning on making it an exciting, loud, rockin' night of amazing music. My band has rehearsed sooooo much for this, and we have some great surprises with some of the songs we're doing. Our fans won't be disappointed! Plus, we're trying to raise money for a great cause. Medical Teams International has donated so much to this cause, and we are honored to help out in this way.

In other news...

Did I mention that I'm excited?

Sooooo....come join in the excitment on Friday. See above flyer for details. :-)

See you soon!

To Clarify...

In my last post, I mentioned that Jen and I are starting to look out of state for a ministry opportunity. While that is true, we're also continuing to look here in the PDX area. God has a way of opening a door when we reach the end of all that we can do. It is His way of saying, "Surprise! Now you know it came from me!"

I'm not sure what the future holds. I know that for today, I'm prepping as if I'm going to be here for a while. We have this great concert coming up next Friday (see above poster...lol), and I'm getting ready for that. Then, Easter is almost upon us. Lots to do, and not enough time to actually worry about what comes next. I mean, seriously, can worrying about it add another day to my life? Or actually make a job appear? God will be God, and He will put us exactly where He wants us. That's kind of liberating, you know?

Right now, I'm praying that we don't have to leave our home, our schools, and our family. If that's not God's will, though, then I'll be praying for my heart to be ready for a new community. I pray that if God wants us elsewhere, He will prepare us to love a new area just as much as we love this one, and that we will want nothing else but to serve Him in whatever way He sees fit to use us. "The Lord gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

Binary Solo...000000100000011001001001

Ok, so I'm back to square one. Well, back to square zero, really. Gotta start looking out of state to see where God has planned for my family and I to minister. There aren't really any opportunities in our area, and Jen and I really feel God's leading to continue in vocational worship leading. One of the ideas I have is to form Red Letter Project Foundation, a non-profit that sends out worship leaders to churches in need of training, seminars, concerts, and leadership. The foundation would also support the band, allowing the main band to minister globally. This will take years to get off the ground, and is something I'd like to work on while ministering to a church body. Of course, it takes money to get it started, and that will take God's blessing. Be praying! Also, be praying for where God directs us to start looking, nationally. We believe He is calling us to a church that is looking for someone with strong leadership skills to help provide vision and direction in a loving way. The question is - where? There are jobs in all 4 corners of this country, and places in-between, but which is right for us? Jen and I will be spending much time in prayer over this. The hard part will be leaving the band and the people of our current church behind. I'm still open to staying here, of course. That would be my first choice, but sometimes God doesn't ask, He directs. The trick is to be obedient. I guess it's time for me to do what I'm always asking my kids to do. Obey. And, maybe, rock out with a great binary solo...(back to square)000000100000011001001001....

decisions, decisions...

Trying to come up with a set list for this concert is very difficult. It's not that we don't have enough music. It's that we have too much! Trying to sort through it all to get to the good stuff, the essential songs, is a tough task. Plus, we're adding a few new songs that we want to cover for this show. That makes it chock full of musical goodness! I'm so excited, though. We've already raised over $3500 for Medical Teams International's efforts in Haiti, and the concert hasn't even started yet! We're planning on covering a blues number, Neil Young's "Rockin in the Free World", and maybe one more song. Add to that our original stuff, and we're ready to rock! The band is so excited to bring it for such a good cause. Ok, gotta run. Details to work out, posters to put up, etc...